Post by benji thomas on Jun 18, 2008 21:41:45 GMT -5
benji thomas.
`the amount of pills I'm taking
Fourteen candles wasted on a pink my little pony cake that read happy birthday BREANNA. how sweet. the chick has been playing this video game for five years but just recently found a cheat code to beating the game from leavingtownalive
`counteracts the booze I'm drinking[/color]
full name here: benji john thomas
nickname: benji, ben
age: 20
grade: freshman
major: music
birth date: 5/18/88
`and this vanity I'm breaking[/color]
hair: black-brown, it's short but getting a bit long in the wrong places. he's in need of a haircut.
eyes: brown
body type: slim, but not particularily muscled, 6' 1", 188 lbs.
distinguishing features: he's pretty average all around, but sometimes he's described as handsome, and he has a large tatoo of the words "let live, let's live, live let's?" in cursive letters on his shoulder blade.
`lets me live my life like this[/color]
orientation: gay.
likes:
poetry
reading
writing
music
smiling
rain
cats
singing
peanut butter
the blood brothers
sunday
romance
the country
colored hair
guys
manga
anime
the sky
photography
fast cars
dislikes:
monday
cottage cheese
motorcycles
NYC
horses
dogs
messiness
computers
celebrities
boats
cherries
fears:
closed in places
motorcycles
spiders
death
deep water
falling
habits:
drumming fingers on things when nervous of excited
sometimes hums subconsciously
strengths:
singing
poetry
writing
reading
photography
weaknesses:
athletics
easily distracted
mathematics
sometimes depressed
secrets:
conflicting emotions
sometimes thinks about cutting
likes porn
has a cat though his apartment doesn't allow pets
wants to dye his hair green
overall personality:
benji is that guy who all the girls can relate to, who knows how to smile, and who knows how to be serious. all his life, benji has been slightly shy at first glance but with a whole other personality underneath his withdrawn exterior. he's at his best when with a group, he seems to know how to get along with everybody and always tries to make people smile. but somehow, he still seems a bit distant even when he's with a large crowd, talking and laughing with the rest. he's never had a really, really close friend, because he won't let anyone closer than need be. he can be pleasant and understanding when with other people, but when he is alone, benji tends to shrink into himself. he won't admit it, but he's grown bitter at the world. there are times when he doesn't know why he exists, who he is. he's always wondering if life is just a joke or a game. sometimes, he thinks he is going insane. you could say he wears a mask. in public he is all for a good time, if not somewhat reserved, while on the inside he may be doubting or angry or depressed. and depressed is something he gets easily, though he usually hides his sadness with a smile. he has been suicidal before, but not for a while.
benji is a very spontaneous person. 'on a whim' seems to be his catch phrase. sometimes he'll go on a drive just to drive, or he'll decide to go somewhere only to change his mind halfway there and go somewhere else. some describe him as indecisive, but he's not. when he reaches a decision there is no one that can change his mind but him. he can be stubborn and somewhat cross when something doesn't go his way, but he usually gets over things quickly. he can sulk and brood, if things are really bad but usually a night with a few people will help to clear his head. sometimes he laughs when he should be serious and cries when he should laugh. benji is someone deep and thoughtful and hard to understand, but once he finds the perfect person, he would be an excellent lover.
overall, benji is a fun guy with an easy-going personality who's nice to be around.
happiest memory: he remembers it was windy, and the waves were choppy, and his father's big deep sea fishing vessel was just pulling into port. he was grinning wide in his mother's arms, and the air was clean and salty, and there were seagulls crying for food, and his father was standing on the deck of the vessel and waving and smiling and shouting and holding up the largest fish he had ever seen. that was his happiest memory and he can't remember why.
worst memory: the screen door slams. his mother stands up, shaking, still in her nightgown. big timothy, his brother strides into the kitchen, his wading boots soaking the linoleum with sea water and mother doesn't care. "rose. where's rose?" mother asks, and tim shakes his head. "where's your father?" and tim looks up, with deep solemn eyes, looking from him to his mother and sighs. "he's still looking out there, but it's too stormy. i told him..." he looks down defeated. "i'm sorry."
his sister rose was out seakayaking with her boyfriend when an unexpected storm caused the death of them both. they were missing for three weeks before their bodies were found. benji was sixteen at the time.
lifetime goals:
to sing in a band or write lyrics for popular bands
to write a book
to fall in love
`well i find it hard to stay[/color]
parents:
ruth lynn thomas, 49, married, mother
john robert thomas, 53, married, father
siblings:
timothy john thomas, 25, engaged, brother
pets:
pinky, a little fat white cat who loves him to pieces, and follows him everywhere and likes to eat cheez its.
overall history: he was born on the rocky shoreline of rural Maine, where the weather is questionable, but the air is free of city fumes and pollution and the streets are never crowded. his father was a deep sea fisherman, and his mother volunteered at his small town's local library. he was the youngest of three children, the oldest being timothy, who now has taken up his father's profession, and the middle child being rose, who died when she was eighteen. he was a bit of an embaressment, because he was afraid to go out with his father on his big fishing vessel. the ocean was a frightening thing to him, and he hated it. as a child, he was bubbly and outgoing, if not a bit shy around new people. the little town was completely cut off from society, a world of it's own. when he started going to school, he made friends quickly, but he never made any real close friends until junoir high, when he met greg. greg was an outcast boy, because his family was new in town and not many would go near him. but benji grew close to him, and they became inseperable. it was in high school that ben realized he might not be straight. his circle of friends had grown to include mostly girls except for greg and a few other guy friends. slowly, he developed feelings for greg. the first person he told was his older brother tim, and he laughed at him and told his father. somehow, the news that he was gay leaked to school. the months that followed were filled with humiliation and sadness and mistrust. when greg found out, he drew away, and they didn't speak together anymore. he began to doubt the reasons for his existence, and even thought of killing himself. gradually, a few of his true friends got over the fact of his sexuality, and his life slowly returned to normal. by the time he graduated, he had gained most of his female friends back. greg though, never spoke to him again. sometimes, he still wonders where his first love is. he at first wanted to go to a pennsylvania university, and spent about a year there looking but ended up going all the way out to kansas on a tip from a friend and is now happy to start college as a freshmen.
`with the words you say[/color]
sample:
fingers tap gently against the smooth steering wheel, the stereo blasting, a small smile tugging at the corner of benji's lips. he likes how it felt to be free in this darkening city, in a car that goes too fast and eyes that fill with something like glee too damn much. his nightly flights aren't much when compared to the more wild types, but he likes to pretend he is king of the world when he runs with his foot to the floor and his eyes on the sky. there has been too much lately (too much, too much), and he's gambled on a night of driving until there aren't anymore city streets to turn down, and he is feeling alright about it, enjoying the feeling of the absence of alcohol strumming in his veins. he is sober, but he is drunk on a chance at freedom. he had spent too long (too much, too much) hiding behind the orders of his superiors; society brought him down too far.
(tore his wings and broke his eyes and bled him through and through)
benji likes the wild flying nights he spends in the protective bubble of his little car, likes the silence of the cab, likes the screaming music that drowns out his soul. sometimes he was pulled over, sometimes there were close calls, sometimes he felt death press itself close and sometimes that was alright. tonight, he just wants an escape, and tonight he is getting it.
and he couldn't expect anything better
(too much, too much)
nothing else but his wild nights
where he doesn't exist
and it is
WONDERFUL
he almost mistakes the city lights for glowflies, like the ones that hide in the deep winter and sparkle in the summer over the pennsylvania fields, and he wonders if they are trying to stretch up into the fabricated light of new york city, to make it really glow. he has been dreaming too often, really. (too much, too much) a little light flicks on the dashboard, a tiny needle points to empty, reminds him he's running on fumes now that won't last long.
he relents his hold on the pedal
(how sad)
(the show was just beginning)
for a moment, he thinks, all that prescious gas wasted, but then he corrects himself. without these wild nights where would he be? somewhere darker and falser than here, more dreary, more lonely, more sad. he didn't know where, but he knew he wouldn't like it.
"well alright..." he says and flicks his turn signal on, sliding in next to a gas pump in a rundown station with flashing neon lights. the air is cold against his skin; he didn't bring a jacket. a sigh as he reads the price for gas. (too much, too much)
(the world is full of too much)
the gas pumps slowly, and his face is neutral. there's nothing wild now, just smooth normallcy, and he wonders at how he does it every day. he feels utterly lonely here on the edge of new where, with the city gleaming to his left, and everything tucked away again. he's just some normal kid who's lost on the road of life again. he's just some boy stolen away from his family.
(toomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuch)
inside the gas station, it is dark and unappealing. a violet-haired youth sleeps at the counter, drool pooling at the corner of her wide-open mouth. he slips the money on the counter and goes out just as the girl let's out a loud snore. what's with this world he thinks just as he pulls out onto the street again.
now it's back to his lonely apartment
(back to being torn apart)
back to his too normal life.
he smiles.
(toomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuch)
this was made by dbzfan971 of white pages. this is her first application do not steal or take off this credit. the lyrics is from "honey this mirror isn't big enough for the two of us" by my chemical romance.
